Falling off the Wagon/ Assorted thoughts

Oh, distractions. After a recent gaming binge and a general "stress collapse," I've pretty much let all the lines run slack. Honestly, I wonder if I belong in college some days. Probably not, but it's currently a safe place to explore myself.

I've already become inconsistent with my writing. I will remain so until finals are compelte. Let's face it, if I DO have free time, I intend to spend it escaping into video games or sleeping. Once the vacation begins, I intend to get back to it. Full force, too.

That's about all there is to say. I wish life had a rewind button. I'd like to do something crazy, but I'm not brave enough to risk everything. More correctly, I'm not foolish enough to risk everything for a change.

Or maybe that means I'm too foolish. Or that the world isn't foolish enough.

I read an inspiring interview that Pawel sent me about stand-up. Resulting fantasy: Wouldn't it be wild if Rich and I took some cash and just hit up amatuer open-mics in Boston for a couple months? Or the same scenario in New York, possibly auditioning for plays?

I'm as frustrated with my life as I am fearfully comfortable with it. It's safe. It's slow. It isn't entirely mine. I find myself questioning how much I'd honestly sacrifice to make my own way. To quit college and get a job. Could I do it? Could I do it alone?

As I said, at least I'm in a safe place to think. Too bad this place is so fucking expensive.

If I become a professor, how free can I be? I could still be a writer, but a performer? A director?


Fucking loans. As soon as I'm out of here, I'm divorcing my parents and faking my own death.