The Story of Bob.
This is a story about a man named Bob.
Bob was not a lucky man, as indicated by the present use of the past tense.
Anyway, it was about a year ago that Bob went walking. He had nowhere to go. He had nothing to do. Still, he was quite set on the notion of walking, so he began to promenade about town in a most jovial fashion. His procession brought him to his favorite park, where he had spent many happy hours as a boy. A strange-looking man occupied his favorite bench. Bob sat next to the man, who was quite occupied with his sandwich and booze. A squirrel came by and started to talk to Bob.
The squirrel told Bob many naughty things. It made him uncomfortable. In fact, Bob was about to leave when the homeless man suddenly burst into a magnificent monologue, full of vibrant imagery and subtle allusions. Awestruck, Bob and the squirrel both sat down to listen quietly. The homeless man made some sparkling critiques of American society in a rather humorous bout of satire, and then left. Bob became hungry and asked the squirrel for some nuts.
A disgruntled and incredibly homophobic postal worker overheard Bob's inquirry and took it the wrong way, regretfully shooting Bob in the face with a 9mm pistol. The squirrel scampered over to see if Bob was ok, and seeing that he wasn't, stole one of Bob's eyes. The postal worker took off all of his clothes and danced a solo waltz.
The End.
Oh, and don't feel bad for Bob. He was a child molester.
Bob was not a lucky man, as indicated by the present use of the past tense.
Anyway, it was about a year ago that Bob went walking. He had nowhere to go. He had nothing to do. Still, he was quite set on the notion of walking, so he began to promenade about town in a most jovial fashion. His procession brought him to his favorite park, where he had spent many happy hours as a boy. A strange-looking man occupied his favorite bench. Bob sat next to the man, who was quite occupied with his sandwich and booze. A squirrel came by and started to talk to Bob.
The squirrel told Bob many naughty things. It made him uncomfortable. In fact, Bob was about to leave when the homeless man suddenly burst into a magnificent monologue, full of vibrant imagery and subtle allusions. Awestruck, Bob and the squirrel both sat down to listen quietly. The homeless man made some sparkling critiques of American society in a rather humorous bout of satire, and then left. Bob became hungry and asked the squirrel for some nuts.
A disgruntled and incredibly homophobic postal worker overheard Bob's inquirry and took it the wrong way, regretfully shooting Bob in the face with a 9mm pistol. The squirrel scampered over to see if Bob was ok, and seeing that he wasn't, stole one of Bob's eyes. The postal worker took off all of his clothes and danced a solo waltz.
The End.
Oh, and don't feel bad for Bob. He was a child molester.
posted by Zoopers at 4:30 PM
4 Comments:
You are good. My vocabulary isn't enough to say why but that's not important. It's a "you are good" from the gut.
Not a single question mark in there, but I'll answer your question anyway.
No.
By the way, is it depthy or trivial? Something can't be both at once.
Well done, Tony.
That was quite an enjoyable read.
I like nothing more than when your mastery of words collides with your clear, perfect humor in a tangled wreck which somehow twists itself to resemble a flawless oragami rose made from hunks of tortured metal.
Uh . . .
Bravo!
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